I wish wish wish wish wish
I say that a lot in my head. I wish. I wish this and I wish that. What I wish today is that I feel not so depressed. I think the stress is coming to a head and for the first time in a long time (excluding when Liesl talks about dying), I had tears in my eyes. I was standing at the kitchen sink preparing to make coffee and I just started tearing up. I didn’t cry but I probably could’ve. Other than that, I’ve been mostly numb all day and drinking coffee while life goes on outside. It’s a beautiful day and while part of me wouldn’t mind taking in some of the warm sun, the other part is content sitting in the Big Chair sucked into the laptop in some pathetic attempt to force the day away without noticing. Of course the two parts clash and that only adds to the anxiety.
I emailed my brother today about finally getting his crap out of the basement. He’s had ample time to do it and I’m not sure why it’s taking so long but he needs to get the lead out and get that crap out of there. He’s lucky that I’m smart enough to know that I wouldn’t be able to rely on him or his girlfriend to give the place a good once-over or else I’d be waiting an eternity for it to be empty and cleaned out. By rights they should be the ones doing it but I don’t have the luxury of an infinite amount of time to wait for miracles. It’s been said that they happen but I’m not holding my breath. It’s disappointing and it pisses me off but I don’t have the time or the energy to cause conflict because of it. I’m just happy his ass is finally out of there. My mom was hoping it would turn out that way because she knew if we tried to get ready to sell and they were still down there it would stay disgusting and turn off potential buyers. That’s the last thing we’d need.
One of the ways I’ve been whiling away the time is screwing around with my del.icio.us bookmarks. I had another account and then new bookmarks from this computer so I have 866 now to edit. I know myself and I doubt I’ll finish since I didn’t finish tagging them the first time around. It’s set up to post any new bookmarks I enter for the day (I’m testing it to post at 23:00GMT–update: it didn’t work) so I guess I could edit a few each day and it’ll at least give my blog some posts that aren’t me le-sighing about everything (apparently editing imported bookmarks doesn’t inspire the server to spit them out–I even tried saving a new link but still no dice). I know this isn’t a fun blog and I promise to make it less depressing and more lively and worth reading. I mean, how else will I become the next Dooce that way? Oh, wait, I need a job to be fired from first. (This, my friends, is called a segue.)
I was going through some of my bookmarks and it reminded me of all the plans I’ve made along the way (or, at least as long as I’ve used Firefox) to eventually spring out from being solely identified as a mother to something resembling the self I’d like to be. In my past life I’ve been many things:
- telemarketer
- shoe sales associate
- seafood sales and preparation (yeah, that means scaling–oh yes, it does)
- cashier
- teller
- unit secretary
- project manager
- administrative assistant
- quality control clerk
- commercial lending associate
- workers’ compensation coordinator
- employee health and safety clerk
- process server
- fast food preparation associate
- motel housekeeper
- auto parts sales and delivery
- Zamboni driver
- hockey scorekeeper
- photographer
- photo studio manager
- photo office manager
- submarine sandwich assembly and delivery
- program sales for the Pope’s visit (that was big time–you mess up and the Baby Jesus cries)
I’m fairly certain I’ve forgotten something but obviously the list is beefy and I can’t be expected to remember it all. Impressive resume, yes? Yeah, no.
If I ever finish tagging my bookmarks you’ll see that about 90% of them are dedicated to either photography, Photoshop or art. It’s probably not hard to figure out which way I want to go (or, rather, go back). This requires time and money–neither of which I possess. Of course, I can’t be the first woman on earth who doesn’t have the time or money; I want to meet the women who did it anyway. I tried Google but came up short.
