Breakfast at Charly’s

First it was dishes. Then someone came along and suggested we use our dishwashers to cook things like turkeys and salmon. Now we have keyboards.

I have to say, I like the idea of throwing stuff in the dishwasher and taking it out perfect and squeaky clean. I’ve often wished that my bathroom worked in a similar way. I’ve dreamed of the day when we could seal the door shut, turn it to the Extra Male Infested setting and it end up sparkling and disinfected. I will be the first in line for that. Hell, if they could create a toilet like that I’d be whipping out my American Express in a split second and wouldn’t care if it cost $1k and only came in golden harvest brown. I would be the first in line and would maim anyone that dared get in my way. I hate toilets that much. The floor around a toilet is unequivocally the most gross surface on the face of the earth (including Paris Hilton’s labia-kissed driver’s seat) and I don’t care if you’re Dooce and your floors apparently taste like rainbows. Even she can not convince me otherwise. Let’s just say that I’m thankful (for many reasons) that men can not shoot bullets through their penis. Frequent misfires aside, we’d all be in trouble because their aim would be tragically inaccurate.

Back to the keyboard. I’m tempted to try this just to say I did it. I have black keyboards so the gross factor tends to get hidden. I have had light grey keyboards in the past and they do indeed get nasty looking. I had a Microsoft ergonomic keyboard for the longest time and it developed a lovely, grimy patina. I did clean it but it showed dirt pretty quickly and who has time to jam Q-tips in their keyboard all the time? Okay, fine, I did but there were still things I wanted to do more. You know, like post mean yet witty things on the interwebs.