Well I have officially entered the last part of last century! The great person at AG sent me a mini MP3 Player- Zen. I can now listen to music at work! I’m such a dork that I didn’t ever really prioritize my music listening. I rarely turn anything on these days, and if I do, it’s via my computer or console. A music collection that ended the beginning of 2004 and I hadn’t really paid attention to anything else. No radio, no music TV… I’m delightfully oblivious to anything new. 

I really shouldn’t say that. I do want to expand my music collection, I just have no idea where to begin any more. My only slight issue is that my ears are so dang small that standard earphones don’t quite fit. I think I have very pretty ears- but obviously not practical when it comes to listening to music. 

Tonight is the first episode of the new season of “Who wants to be a Superhero”. Jonathon is stoked. That’s OUR show. Granted it’s a little cheesy and last season probably gave the new contestants a heads up as to what he (Stan Lee) expects (although I’m betting they’re going for the fifteen minutes of fame- so some agent or friend gave them notification of a reality TV Show that they’ve just jumped at). Gawd people annoy me at times.

The annoyance goes through my head on a semi-regular basis. Most notably with the media. The media frenzy over moronic celebrities who do not deserve or need any attention whatsoever. WHO CARES what they’re doing in their lives? I think the only people who are really shelling out the money to give them time and attention IS the media- paparazzi etc. The only reason things about them are flying off the shelves is because they mix those stories in with interesting articles and… and… OMG people… if you stop paying attention it will all cease!

I don’t CARE about Britney or Lindsey or who ever else they’re invading and plastering all over papers/magazines and television shows. PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING INTERESTING! I rely on the media at times because I don’t have a jet to send me all over the world on a whim. 

Oooh that’d be cool… a neat little Ghic Chic alert that goes off once something cool has been invented, discovered or is on sale. 

…

Work isn’t going so well. Hard to tell actually. The departments keep shrinking, people continue to get shuffled around. I feel like creating a “ribbon” for our jobs. “Support our Jobs” “Bring Our Jobs Home”. Each time something gets fixed with a program performance wise, I know it’s not to make my life easier or the people around me, I know it’s because someone came in recently to draw process maps for the oh so familiar outsourcing. We had to deal with the shotty performance issues for years and then the obvious fix is rolled into production so… ugh. It’s just a feeling as I’ve gone through this before. It almost feels like a ghost town at times. Pretty soon we’ll be able to fit all people one floor. Apparently upstairs as everyone is slowly fading from down here. 

I also feel that they’re just going to shut the whole building down. I guess I’ll see what happens and stick with it until it’s no mo’ because you never know… I could be wrong, but if you know me… you’d know I’m always right. If am proven wrong, something was messed up in the equation.

Salem is already a dead place for jobs, life, horrible medical community, etc. It makes it even more depressing to see your work environment crumble around you.

Enough of that, gotta lift my spirits back up again… A night of  Who Wants to be a Superhero and Scrubs

Current Mood: annoyed

I’m right handed. For everything I do, I do it right handed. My left arm is pretty much left out in the dust other than to help me drink my coffee in the morning when I’m working at my computer. When I’m away from the computer, my right hand takes over the left’s functions once more to continue the duty of cup holding.

As I stated previously, I pulled or did something to my left arm (the shoulder actually… and now the wrist… >:-( ) which has caused me horrible annoying pain and the inability to lift up my arm without shifting my body a certain way and practically tossing my left arm in the direction it needs to go (it’s a little humorous to watch although I try to conceal this ouch from others… but I do catch myself in a reflection now and then). I toss it up, catch it with my right hand in the position I need it to be in- it stays and then I do whatever I’m needing this appendage to assist with.

My hair is the greatest victim of this tragedy as I can’t raise my arm- so basically I’m sporting a head band and my hair is styled in all places but the top of my head. I haven’t mastered styling with only my right arm other to move the hair around a little.

Another victim of this is my fashion sense. I’m wearing a strapless bra with an easy to wear shirt, jeans and sandals. I can’t get too complicated with buttons or fasteners.

This got me thinking of the millions of people who deal with this on a daily basis. 

It got me thinking further- What if THIS is the rest of my life? I mean it’s not the end of the world or anything, but what if I’m officially an old lady and now I’m going to have to be one armed for the remainder of my existence? Should I start  buying special clothing, get my car redesigned to make turning corners easier? Will I qualify for a helper monkey? How am I going to continue to lift Jonathon?! I CAN’T MANAGE THAT HUGE TV’S REMOTE WITH ONE HAND!!!

My video game playing is going suck… How am I going to change a light bulb in a ceiling light? What if I need to turn off a giant water valve? What if I get to travel and have to place something in the overhead compartment!?!?! My bag will fall into an aisle and cause the plane to crash! Necklaces… how will I wear necklaces? My hair! I’d have to walk around with only half of my hair curled. I’ll never be able to do the backstroke again Granted I never go swimming, but now knowing I can’t just makes it a sad story to live through. Please never ask me to play tennis as that would just hurt my soul. What if I injure my “me hand” from having to over compensate for my left???

I’m too young to have to go through this and too old to adapt. 

Please feel free to write the screen play and ask any questions that would assist with the creative process and capturing my essence.

I opened the drapes that was the weekend this morning and stepped outside to the new week. There wasn’t much to reflect on or dig my mind into while a Monday pulls me kicking and screaming by its snarling mouth. There was no surrendering as I gently transitioned.

The events weren’t all that grand and at times it almost became too quiet, but quiet is good, and after last weekend it was needed.

I wrote. I wrote and I made a few site graphics. The graphics only took a few minutes, but the thought process took hours. “What do I want?” “How do I convey geek and chic?”  I tried things with make up, lipsticks, clutches, heels, bags, etc. And then I decided “Kissing the geeky side of myself!” Or showing the sexy merge that geek and chic can be. Or I was just sick and tired of trying out things and said, “Screw it.” Take your pick.

I did it as I was laying on my arm while on the sofa, glancing up periodically to watch The Disney Channel. I’m feeling the sting today from laying on my arm while doing everything with one hand on my keyboard/mouse. Combine that with an horrible muggy evening in which I tossed/turned all over my bed- each corner that was left/right/up/down… even wrapping myself up in the sheets that created a difficult situation when I had to jump up to use the bathroom. 

Today my left arm is pretty much useless. I had V-bear attempt to pop it after I got to work… well my wrist popped as he yanked on my arm (cringe). I told him that it did nothing for my shoulder but distract me from THAT pain. 

It hurts really bad

I may do something more or less with the graphics. It’s my way of thinking while I plan on a redesign for another site. Much like writing- when I blog, it frees my mind up to do some actual writing elsewhere. Perhaps not right now – but definitely later. 

I guess that’s all for my ramblings right now being as I started this at 7:50 while my coffee was cooling and applications were opening up- I wound up getting extremely busy and it’s almost 2pm now- still busy.

You’ll also notice the ads on the site… I’m trying out a google way to earn some extra $ and if I’m happy with it, I may explore other avenues as well. Gun point doesn’t seem to work in cyberspace (sigh). 

The other day I was venting from a very high stressed day and the anticipation of a high stress projected few months. I pondered which is more difficult, exerting a lot of brawn or brain? How much is the mind capable of before it just fizzles out? Are we designed to wear so many hats for so many different areas and so many roles in life? Why can’t I just go catatonic for a day???

My catch phrase was thrown back at me: “Be the Buddha.” 

I shrieked! “Be the Buddha??? BE the Buddha!! Not even Buddha could be the Buddha in today’s society! Buddha was only the Buddha because he lived in an aesthetic region and didn’t have high speed job functions running through his veins. He didn’t have to deal with being hit on all sides by so many different areas. he didn’t have to drive during rush hour traffic, wait in an express line for an hour… There’s no way Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha or whoever else could have been the “higher” beings they’re rewarded for today. They’d all be in towers with sniper rifles!!!! The fact that I’m NOT should make ME a Buddha!”

Did any of them go through divorces/break-ups/freaks of nature, have children, deal with the health care industry, the IRS, various departments, the DMV, wailing kids in a movie theater, swerving to avoid people driving whilst talking on their cell phones? Technology changing so quickly that once you can afford one critical “must have to survive society”, they develop a new item rendering the one  you JUST bought; outdated and useless? Landlords, neighbors, family issues, car problems, plumbing problems, the horrible “I’m starving but there’s WAY TOO MUCH TOO CHOOSE FROM so you starve for a night? Concrete jungles, blaring stereos that mariachi screams out at you, the boom boom boom of the bass that rattles your living room. Global politics, global warming, natural disasters, fashion disasters, computer crashes, program bugs, glitches, protesters, anti’s, pro’s, views being thrown at you from all directions and you must always- always sift through every chunk that’s presented your way in order to take a side, take a stand or just shrug with indifference. 

Jesus would have begged for that cross/his untimely demise. He may have been one of the thieves instead of the martyr. 

So, living in a city regardless of size, it is increasingly difficult to find your center in order to gracefully move through the various areas of a typical day without feeling overwhelmed by the end of the day. A couple of weeks ago I sat on a lounge chair slightly above a peaceful garden as I listened to little water fall cascade over the life that resided in the pool of water. The stars busied the sky and for ONCE… other than the water whispering gentle encouragements to me…. I heard that forgotten unsound of silence.

I was able to breathe for relaxation, not survival, and all the stress escaped my muscles. 

Then and ONLY then was I able to truly be the Buddha.

I’m finding myself slowly bringing that part of life into my apartment living. In addition to my garden lights that set my back porch up as a tiny stage, I have the lounge chair that creates the illusion when I lay on it- that I’m at some relaxing resort. A bucket of daisies joins the ambience and now I’m surrounded by flowers, roses, and carnations that are placed in vases through out my dwelling. My foliage is thriving.. but damn it all… I still can’t seem to get past the horrible distraction of traffic, screaming children and that damned mariachi music!

For the most part I have begun to write for arsgeek.com. Great site, great people, and great 411 on all things geeky. Obviously my pen name is Ghic Chic, and you can isolate my ramblings by looking at the right side menu under the category “Ghic Chic”. I suggest exploring the site though as there’s a lot of good stuff there.

I would have written more than the 4 I have posted, however, this past weekend found me in a very scary, surreal feeling situation.

Due to the heat/humidity last week Jonathon’s liquid anti-seizure medication became tainted. Being as I kept it in the kitchen away from direct sunlight etc., I didn’t even think of the molecular structure changing.

Friday evening Jonathon had a massive seizure which prompted me to watch him like a hawk all that night and Saturday to ensure he didn’t have any more. I figured perhaps heat exhausted prompted it. Sunday he became lethargic, his speech was more slurred than usual and he began to act detached. As I was holding him he began to choke a little and then fell asleep in my arms. When he awoke he began to convulse and was non-responsive. At this point I have him lifted up and faced forward, but it’s continuing and I felt helpless. Quickly I placed him on the floor on his side and grabbed the phone. 911. I couldn’t remember my address when the woman asked me! Apparently I gave her one I had 10 years ago and she confirmed my current one, “YES! THAT’S IT!” Not even five minutes later my apartment was filled with about 20 people from the fire department, paramedics and who knows who else. 

He was screaming/breathing (whew). I jumped into the ambulance with him and off we went to the ER- leaving my car and his wheelchair behind.

Jonathon didn’t have any more episodes and I felt the panic slip away as we were in a safe environment. I was unable to deal with what was happening on my own, I needed professionals.

Still doing well, they drew his blood after multiple failed attempts. The test revealed a high dose of the anti-seizure medication. The ER doctor said a high trace could cause break through seizures. He said there wasn’t much they could do there- if I was uncomfortable we could admit him so they could keep an eye on him, or I can take him home and call 911 if he has another one as they’re trained to deal with his type in which he needs oxygen and they can assess whether or to take him in.

Thankfully my neighbor witnessed the whole ordeal and followed us to the hospital, grabbed my keys from me and brought me my car. 

Once home, Jonathon went to bed and I put my apartment back together (a lot of people cramped into that tiny place caused everything to be out of place). Then there was that odd feeling of life resuming. No phone calls, no e-mails, it was just a normal evening as if those 6 hours didn’t happen. I watched Jonathon and didn’t give him his nightly meds- and went to bed.

The next day we went to an on call doctor and after reviewing the symptoms, going through the events that led up to the incident, and the high level of medication in his blood, the doctor and I both looked at each other and BINGO. The medicine due to the little amount left in the bottle mixed with the atmospheric changes that week caused it to become more concentrated. The batch turned bad and his symtoms weren’t seizures, they fell in line with the over-dosing symptoms.

SO… a new batch of medication with adjusted doses and daily call in’s to the doctor followed by lab work every other day, Jonathon is recovering and I feel confident he’s out of danger.

Last night was the first night I had to breathe. I didn’t work Monday and I only worked half a day yesterday in order to make sure nothing went wrong with the boy. I spray painted my weathered lawn chairs, set up my back porch to be a quiet little oasis and churned out three articles before collapsing on the floor next to Jonathon early in the evening. I was exhausted.

Once I awoke from my cat nap, I was up pretty late and now I’m feeling the sting of a morning that came too quickly.

Since the launch of my new domain name (ghic-chic.net, which for now links directly to mysticaldawn.net to give my hosting company a break) I have been scouring the net looking for link exchanges so that I could be more involved with my passions (most things perceived geeky). 

My search stopped at arsgeek. In time I’ll add more links to interesting sites, but the content kept me docked. The more I read the less motivated I was to go elsewhere. A few days of corresponding with the site owner, I’m finding myself prepping for my first article as an editor. 

I had explained to Ben that my brain had been on a hiatus- and everyone who knows me, knows what happened and the detour I took. 

My dormant mind has been awake for quite awhile and I haven’t’ figured out what to do with it other than professional web design work which I had completed two weeks ago. MORE! I need more. I needed to satiate the other part of my brain. And that was what arsgeek was offering. The excitement of getting my hands on tech books and exploring the robotic world excited me. The chance to look into the latest gadget trends stoked me. It gave me a direction I’m happy to sprint into… yet I’m trying to find my starting point. The fact that I can just write to/hear from other like minds- Yay me!

My writings have been so trivial lately as I didn’t have a stable site and I tired of everything crashing and needing to revert it until I finally uninstalled WordPress and started my site again from the ground up.

Now that everything is green lighted… how do I get my jump start? 

Yesterday wasn’t the time for it as I had come home from work to feed/change the boy and the guy I had been seeing for a little over a month had rearranged all my furniture. I could not wrap my head around WHY? Since he was moving and asked for a temporary trade of my tv w/his (my television that I love is lighter than his monster old school big screen). I had began to make a dent in decorating my apartment around it (I didn’t even have a full day to decide to make the exchange, and less time to have it fit into my lifestyle). Apparently he felt bad and wanted to try to make it work. Two weeks earlier he took it upon himself to cut my tags off my towels- which didn’t go well with me either.

I was furious! I informed him, “Communication! If something annoys you about what’s in MY apartment… just tell me and make sure your place is tag free or whatever. Don’t rob me of the chance to say WHY I like tags on my things as I DO have a reason for it and it’s not washing instructions. DO NOT take it upon yourself to change ANYTHING of mine as it’s MINE. Personal boundaries that you do not just walk over so casually and dismiss so casually. I’ve gone out with a LOT of men (yeah that made me sound bad but I don’t care as it’s true) and NONE of them EVER would do anything like that… not even my exhusband when we lived together- you DISCUSS things before you take upon yourself… hell even my own mother knows better!” 

The same conversation was had yesterday as well except that I was shaking!! Then I saw that all my movies were ALL rearranged/upside down etc. I wanted to cry. I  have everything arranged by six degrees of separation, some are alphabatized depending on the type and the rest are by genre. “Were you going to tell me that the shelf fell???? Or did want to wait until after my heart attack?” He again dismissed it as nothing stating how he was going to put it back. I was upset… “First of all, TELL me… prepare me that my entire film collection fell, secondly unless you’re ME you can’t just put it back!” I had to remind him, “You don’t live here and I’ve only known you a short time!” Even if I knew him for years- ya don’t do those things. You communicate, discuss etc. Or at least in my world you do!  About the living room arrangement he kept saying, “Well I can always move it back.” I said, “No one should HAVE to move anything back, it never should have been changed without my consent… it’s MY place and I had it Feng Shui’ed!!!” ACKKKKK I reminded him, “You have a degree in psychology and law… not art/design… and it’s MY PLACE!”

I get home from work last night and I’m surrounded by the job that lay ahead of me. Right as I ordered pizza for dinner as I was in no mood to cook, Jonathon had a massive seizure and those few minutes in which I have to wait to see if he snaps out of it. or hop on the phone to 911… I can’t explain the terror of a world crashing and relying on the clock as 2 minutes feels like an hour. It’s been nine months since he had seizure and it showed everything else going on to be SO insignificant. As I grabbed him and moved him to the sofa, I’m holding him and kissing him, “Baby come back… Jonathon stay with me…” he’s grey and not responding, I can’t administer CPR yet… and finally his color returns and he groggily asks, “What?” I continued to hold and kiss him until he was feeling better and wanted his space I quickly moved my furniture back to Feng Shui it again and spent the rest of my evening cuddling with the boy and watching him like a hawk until he finally fell asleep.

I tried to write after everything was settled down.. but I was blank.

TODAY I’m hoping to get a decent start. I figure by rambling on my own site, I’ll find inspiration to write for other who are not me.

Scorching heat- that’s what I was faced with when I left work yesterday. The huge glowing orb in the sky reflecting it’s rays off the concrete that stood between me and my car. I was in hell. Add in the humidity and the mixture is lethal… I almost DIED!

I remember driving home and being a hesitant to turn on my airconditioner (damn you Al Gore for bringing global warming more to my awareness as I forgot about it during the chilly winter months). Granted the heat outside is merely seasonal as this region has met with these temperatures in previous years, but yesterday it was more confrontational. 

Thankfully my ground-level apartment (flat for you Euro ppl) was nice and cool as the doors were closed and the blinds were drawn as the fire ball over head was inching its way to pour its vengeance where my livingroom faced. West… what a horrible cruel locale for enduring the summer months. At least I can sit and watch the sun set nightly from the comfort of my porch.

Anyway- I rushed to the store to buy dinner items that wouldn’t require turning the oven on. It’s not an easy chore to buy groceries when you’re exhausted, hot, and not even hungry. Sausage dogs seemed to be the logical choice… it’s so… fourth of July-ish. Topped with a deli mustard, toasted bun and swiss cheese, yum. Then of course salads, white wine and items to nuke. I’m set for the rest of the week. 

After dinner and still having the world hidden from view, I sat to watch television while surfing the net. “America’s got Talent” was airing and all I have to say is, “No it doesn’t.” Knowing it was too early to go to bed and I didn’t want a light source on in order to read, I was frustrated with how to amuse myself for the rest of the evening. It was nearing 9 and I was bored.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door- The Universe heard my yawn for help. My neighbor upstairs (play some angelic music) had in his hand my Netflix movie. YAY! “10 Items or Less” (I’ll review it in my review section later). As I opened the door I was hit with a wave of humidity and the dude wouldn’t stop asking questions about Netflix… then the heat… and then some virus he had last week which brought on diarrhea etc. (WAY TMI). I finally let him know I needed to retreat into the cool comfort of my home and away from that conversation.

SO- with the chilled wine, a chilled movie… I went to bed chilled.

Well this morning I wake up and all is good… I did my typical robotic routine (get up, get dressed, put on make up, do spend time on my hair only to put it all up with bobby pins once I get to work as it annoys me) I drove to work and zombied into the kitchen area… NO COFFEE!!! All the drawers were open revealing how empty they were inside. I went through the cupboards to find the same scenario… NO COFFEE!!! Rushing upstairs to the other kitchen I found another woman in the panic as myself. She looks at me with excitement in her eyes and having never met me before, she felt we were on the same journey as she exclaimed, “I FOUND FOUR BAGS!!!” I smiled and snatched two away from her as we decided that she’d run downstairs and make some while I brewed it upstairs. (sigh). After walking back downstairs I heard the coffee crisis was over, “Our maintance guy found the reserves!!” Our day was saved.

Then I run into V-bear and he tells me how he was working here until 11pm last night and good news for today… “The airconditioner is broken.”

At least I have coffee?

SO we have the summer graph of bad-good-bad-good-bad. Balance my children… it’s all about the balance.

The weather is supposed to reach 105 today and there’s no escape. My skin is dripping clear fluid and I’m finding myself weak… tired. I don’t know if I can go on. 

Many of the locals are submerging themselves in cold liquid and blasting a square box that gives off cool air. I must find out how to make the metal box that sends out Artic air… hmmm perhaps the Artic?

Earlier today I tried to pretend it was the middle of winter and the heat was a welcomed change, unfortunately my mind was not buying it. It’s plain old hot no matter how hard I try to trick myself otherwise.

Similar to the excessive cold, when it’s horribly hot/humid like it is today, you get the jackasses who boast, “Oh this is nothing… it’d reach a billion degrees in AZ/TX/UT/NV (insert inhumane locale here).” Well if it was so freaking great, why don’t they move back? Because it’s too… ummm… hot?

Well my fragile skin is not accustomed to this weather and I don’t plan on having it adapt any time soon.  I don’t know if we’re going to get a break from it any time soon as my forecast reads, “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

I didn’t sign up to live in these sort of conditions. People make fun of the NW for being rainy and semi cold. That’s what I expect and that’s what I want to get. I’m going to write the governor and complain once I can pry the melted pen from the desk.