I’ve just read an article that states bullying in the work place is more common than sexual harassment with almost no legal protection. Of course this prompted me to write a guide because I like writing guides.

Dealing with a bully at work… the Rambo way!!! Perhaps the Rambo way would be illegal and includes the death sentence or life in prison… unless you could be used by the military for some seedy agenda. Here’s dealing with a bully MY way.

1. A bully loses ammo if you don’t care about their office gossip. Belittle them by saying, “I’m both flattered and saddened that your life has such little substance that you have to pay attention to mine.”
“If you want pictures to go along with the story you’re telling please let me know. I’ll be more than happy to photoshop something for you.”
2. If they treat you like a moron in front of your colleagues merely ask them “Did you get your power fix? Feel better now? If you don’t mind I’m going to go back to focusing on my work.”
OR you can try the following retorts:
“That would actually sting if it were coming from ANYONE who wasn’t you.”
“Your insults are both motivating and inspiring, mind if I borrow them sometime?”
“Great critism, ever think of advancing to middle management?”
And the classic “So’s your face.” (it can be used in ANY situation, even if it doesn’t seem to apply).
3. Threaten not to invite them to your birthday party and mention there will be ponies there. A bully is mortally wounded when they’re not invited to birthday parties with ponies.
4. Act like you think their bully tactics are a come on and you’re completely mortified. In fact, threaten to call HR about this because as you know sexual harassment in the work place will NOT be tolerated.
5. Be frank. Tell them straight out, “Wow, you’re a real ass.” … and then just walk away.

Maybe the bully doesn’t know they’re a bully. Perhaps you should pull them aside and tell them:
“I know you think you’re merely trying to socialize and I understand that you’re not very intelligent. You can’t hold your own in a conversation and you are an idiot when it comes to world events. The only way you can connect with people is by talking about them or being a jackass. I get it. I really do. If you’d like I can see if I can find a book about ‘interacting for dummy’s’ for you, or if you don’t know how to read I can pass out copies of “How to interact with a dummy” for all of us who work with you to avoid hurt feelings that stem by your feeble attempts at communication.” Throw in a “So’s your face” and then walk away.

I had to post this on my GC site as opposed to the AG one because I don’t want Ben to return to AG filled with cute girly items. I might *accidentally* pink up the site, add some glitter and turn everything kawaii.

From the site: “The Moji Intelligent Messenger is the world’s first full real time 3D instant messenger where the pets and characters you create or adopt understand, react and respond to your everyday chat conversations. Whilst it looks and performs like any other instant messenger, the main point of difference between the Moji IM Beta and other instant messengers is that your experience, on the Moji IM Beta or in the MojiKan, is completely responsive to your language and what you say.

We have also created pets and characters that are virtual life forms and as fully 3D real time entities. This means that your pet is not a puppet and has a life of its own – even though its personality is derived from its owner. We believe that avatars and pets in this way are more engaging, and certainly more nuanced and responsive to humans – just like a real pet.

We are not interested in creating mere static avatars and emotes that do nothing except graphically represent a human. We are more interested in creating virtual life forms and intelligent beings that can react to humans and understand human language in a completely new way of human-machine interaction. Over time, we will bring out products that are more and more customised to your preference, personality, habits and traits to further enhance an experience of Total Communication.

To learn more on the features of Moji Intelligent Messenger, read our User Guide.”

Currently I’ve been on it for about ten minutes and logged into both my MSN and Yahoo account. I’ve no clue how anything works because a. none of my friends are online and b. it’s installing a bunch of stuff so I can talk to my pet because see a.

Current Mood: busy

As an untainted Star Wars fan (I’ve kept my eyes away from viewing 1-3 of the sagas) I remain a true fan of the later chapters. Surfing through a site for cell phone bling, I came across this little gem… which is not cell phone related… but it keep the Japanese gadget reputation going strong.

Let me introduce to you the R2-D2 Soysauce Bottle!

Currently the supplies are limited, but the world is supply and demand. Demand they up their supply!

Current Mood: Amused

I don’t know if my accident prone nature can put in the category of ‘lucky’, perhaps fortunate is a better turn due to my constant battle with gravity and physics.

If I kept a journal of each time I’ve fallen, bumped into something, or had an object fall on me I’d probably be on volume 1000.

Take this month for instance. I was feeling very successful because in the month of May I’ve had only 3 injuries to report!

1. On safety awareness day I broke my back molar on popcorn they were giving out.
2. I slipped getting Jonathon into the tub and banged up the entire left side of my body as I twisted myself to prevent him from injury and wound up re-injuring the foot that last month the automatic wheelchair lift on his bus crashed down on.
3. Today while putting away dishes a coffee mug fell out of the cupboard and in order to prevent it from falling on the counter and breaking, I instead caught it with various parts of my arm… watching it bounce off my bones until I caught it with my right hand.

You may never see me in a cast or hooked up to life support (hence me using the word ‘fortunate’) because a. if I do break a bone, early survival classes taught me how to set a bone and when a break requires emergency treatment. b. I’ll be in denial just to avoid going into a Salem medical center. “My arm is hanging on by a thread? Oh, it’s probably nothing- a little superglue and I’ll be good as new.”

Of course this doesn’t include the daily bumping into things and getting my clothes caught on just about everything within certain circumference of where I am. If I were to record those, I don’t think they make enough paper to keep track of all of it.

Have you ever seen Final Destination? My accidents pretty much happen like that. The mug for instance.

I go to put a glass away on the top shelf and my arm hits a plate on the second shelf which slides out of place knocking the mug from behind and out of the cupboard. If I didn’t intercept the mug with my arm, then I’m quite certain it would have shattered and a shard would have hit the pan of fish on the stove causing grease to splatter on the floor which would have prompted me to slip into the fridge- the fridge falls on top of me and a sheet of ice in the freezer would have lopped off my head. See! I’m lucky!

NYC Memory #5,211. Jonathon, Ben, Jenn and I just got back from a private meeting with Stan Lee. There’s something overwhelming when your son meets his hero and it goes better than you could ever possibly imagine. I stepped outside to dry my eyes and take in the reality so I could connect it all and make it feel like less of a dream that I was soon going to be awaken from.

A few steps to the right and I looked up. Seeing the New Yorker on a clear, beautiful day connected me to the fact that this WAS reality and I was in New York Baby!

They say who you are is defined by those you interact with. I think they say that, perhaps it just popped in my head and I’m actually the one who made it up.

I was thinking about this though regardless of the origin. Who am I? Dare I have a moment of insecurity when my child views me as perfection?

A film, Silent Hill, reminded me of a saying “Mother is God in the eyes of a child.” If I am not the co-worker at work, I am defined by my children.

I read the words Ashley wrote recently, “You are an amazing woman.” I listened to what Jonathon had to say in between his fits of laughter, “You are the funniest person on Earth!” When watching ‘Trading Spouses’ he told me never to go on the show because I was the nicest and prettiest Mother and it would hurt to trade me.

I thought of this as I was standing unfairly in front of my mirror, ripping apart my appearance. “Do I look aged? Am I getting fat?” the typical thoughts that flood a female mind after being exposed to air brushed media or a mind numbing day where I did nothing of significance.

The words of the children interrupted me and I scolded myself. How dare I call their mother fat or ugly. How dare I insinuate that their mother is stupid or boring.

I think everyone has an important role in someone’s life that forces them to step up to the plate and quit bashing themselves.

… and that is my opinion today.

It’s hard to believe it’s Memorial Day Weekend. For the first time in the 6 years I’ve lived at my apartments the parking lot is full. The typical busy Saturday afternoon street beyond my patio is almost quiet, and went I tucked my tail  between my legs again and bought a weeks worth of groceries at ‘Grocery Outlet’ it was filled with people from all sorts of social classes who had the same look as I did, “Oh please let this not hurt at the register.”

The fast food chains had 1-2 cars in the drive-thru at high noon and I’m no longer drooling over the latest in high tech gadgets or video games. With gas at four dollars a gallon, Mad Max popping in my head and surviving a blood bath of layoffs, I can’t help but wonder what’s ahead.

I was sitting on my chair outside, looking at the empty field across the street and I automatically graphed my city. One of the many things I loved about visiting Manhattan during these difficult financial times was that it’s set up to be a walking community. The on going joke of “Two blocks” because everything seems to be within two blocks of wherever you are. Although the streets were busied with traffic, there were even more people walking to their destinations.

I wish that my city could cure the pain of shopping by breaking the area into smaller sections. In a smaller city, things are spread out making it impossible to walk the distance from your home to the department store, pharmacy and grocery store. Renting the latest dvd has fallen off my list of priorities and I don’t really care to run out to the movie theater because the thought of sitting at a red light makes me cringe. Am I cheap? I’ve always been a moderate minimalist, especially for being a self proclaimed geek. Now however, I have to truly look ahead and really stick to the bare minimum.

I’m curious though because all areas are different and the impact may not be as vivid as it is where I live- am I the only one who has come to a grinding halt in purchasing anything that isn’t food or fuel (typical bills)? Will the lifestyle change be temporary or are we on the verge of turning our communities into merchant stands in the streets and barter systems? Do I just have an over active imagination and things are really temporary and not as bad as I think??? Will I ever be able to justify buying another shiny new gadget????

 

Oh the plans I plan on doing that all require staying home (with gas costing about four bucks a gallon now, nothing in this area will cause me to leave… except for shopping).

Writing. I plan on writing stuff for here and AG. Does this count?

Cartooning… a chaotic work week and realizations make for decent material that I must put in ink form!

Furniture movement. I did it again. Once I finish completing my computer area (I’m too poor to buy stuff… so I take the old and make it new and different!)

Ashley’s birthday!!!

Ummm Giant cookies- rock. Especially when they’re half dipped in chocolate and cost a buck.

Voodoo dolls. A nice little mother’s day present that has me eyeing people…

Throw regular errands in the mix and it’s going to be a nice long holiday.

 

Here is my daily affirmation for today:

Just because I struggle with gravity does not make me a complete clutzy moron. I am *not* a moron, if I were would I have… oh wait… that’s not a good example. Only a moron would… damn, I did that. Well I’m not clutzy because I haven’t fallen or tripped in… damn again.

My hair looks very good tonight.

So I’ve started to work out, feeling good about myself- I’m happening. Okay then… so I’m sprawled out on my lounge chair on my porch as evening approaches. Fresh out of the shower, wearing a silk blue nighty (and boxers of course), lotion sparkling on my cleansed skin and a group of guys walk by- “HOLY CRAP!!!!” one or two of the 6 are eyeing me and I’m thinking “Oh yeah I still got it…”

“DUDE check it out… (and I’m smiling as they’re drooling) she has her laptop hooked to her television, that looks AWESOME! OMG that’s a sweet set up!” (once I figured out you can see my geekiness from the streets). I’m half naked, dripping wet, my legs stretched out… and wow.

Back to the exercise ball hopefully I can get a flat screen implanted on my chest. In all fairness I was watching an evening with Kevin Smith…

This weekend had me fighting with an install of a game on both my computers. Star Wars Galaxy- you won the battle. I can’t get it to play While waiting on one of the many 3 hour installs I decided to break out my solar camping shower because of the heat. 99 degrees = a painful experience for this mutated by Alaska girl.

I pulled a tow rope out of the trunk and threw it across a rafter on my back porch. After suspending the 45 lb bag of water- it was good times! A quick spray down when things got a little too hot and a nice little shower for my wilting bucket of daisies was bliss. I think I’ll keep that thing out there until they tell me to take it down because I found so many uses for it.

This weekends rearranging of the living room *again* and WHY I should probably focus next on my poor bedroom.

This afternoon I decided to try Yoga. A recent purchase of Yoga pants for comfort had me thinking that perhaps I should try this old granola trend. I put on my pants, searched for Yoga online and then sat with my mouth wide open in shock as I listened to these people spew out some pretty odd things. “Now breathe into your side ribs, push out your back ribs, feel the serenity pull up on the top of your heart and beam it out through the crown of your head.” HUH!?! I decided to ignore the words because it wound up being a distraction (I’d continuously pause and stare at them ‘Are they SERIOUS?’). Jonathon was all on board with the Yoga work out and I thought he was being encouraging. I looked over at him while doing my routine where half the time I’d shout at the screen, “Oh he-ell no!” and he couldn’t take it any more, he began cracking up non stop until he could hardly breathe, “Keep trying it mom… ha ha ha ha ha.”

I closed out the Yoga, blew up my exercise ball and went into the bedroom where I could humiliate myself in private.

My plans for tonight- some blush wine mixed with sparkling water, listening to my water fountains and relaxing. In the meantime I leave you with this: