Yay it is up! Nearly Christ­mas so excited!  Are your trees up?

I am so happy at this moment in time, yes­ter­day I heard back on that job I have been stalk­ing and going to assess­ment after assess­ment for the last month and I got the job!

Hur­rah!!! It is the job I wanted and even if the role isn’t what I was look­ing for 5/6 months ago but it is a HUGE com­pany and I can escape into dif­fer­ent depart­ments in the end. I don’t start until Jan­u­ary the 16th so I have Christ­mas to relax and enjoy it.

Some­thing went right and I am so happy it did, the last 5 months have been mis­er­able so I was due a pay off.

Other news I went to the den­tist yes­ter­day and need to have four fill­ings! I can’t believe it, my teeth were good! He kept say­ing oh you are eat­ing too many sweets and sugar items, I was like I have PCOS I don’t eat sugar in the way of sweets or what­not in the last 3 months! Still wouldn’t lis­ten to me, any­way I have to go in to see him on the 20th of Decem­ber and have two fill­ings, I hate the den­tist it freaks me out!! Stu­pid teeth, so my reac­tion to all this was to run to Boots and buy spe­cial tooth­paste, mouth­wash and floss… my hus­band thinks I am para­noid. I just feel gross!

Oh and at last I have been referred to ther­apy, I called them up on Tues­day and was like it has been a month since I came in where is my refer­ral, and the recep­tion­ist said she would check with the doc­tor, never called me back! So I called up yes­ter­day and they had FORGOT to refer me! I am now referred and have an assess­ment on Mon­day. I am not that bad and feel so much bet­ter after find­ing out about that job yes­ter­day but I still need sup­port for the whole fer­til­ity issues.

Can you believe that it is Decem­ber? Crazy stuff, I am so excited for Christ­mas and have already fin­ished my Christ­mas shop­ping! Hur­rah! Hope every­one a good start to December.

*Dentist Image

Whoa has it got so cold in the last week (had to wear lay­ers and lay­ers of jumper dress and thick tights) — I was away most of last week vis­it­ing my brother and his girl­friend at his uni­ver­sity town with my best friend, it was lovely to get away and see him as I haven’t seen him since my grad­u­a­tion in July.

One thing I have learnt is I wouldn’t want to live in a shared house with no bath­room lock on the door — ha ha! But I did enjoy see­ing my brother even though he doesn’t get up until mid­day, such a night owl like my father.

So got home on Fri­day after­noon — took us over 5 hours to get home, which included two trains an two tubes plus a car ride, I was so tired on Fri­day day I fell asleep so quickly.

Sat­ur­day — I had my first stage of this inter­view process which included a tele­phone role play test (which I think I did okay in) and a com­puter test (minus the issues with my mem­ory I think that went okay too), now it is a wait­ing game hope­fully they will call me with good news next week and I’ll get to go to the 1 to 1 inter­view next Sat­ur­day, keep your fin­gers crossed for me.

I am still bat­tling with the depres­sion, hav­ing the time to deal with on my own while wait­ing for the ther­apy appoint­ment has been okay, I had a good week minus yes­ter­day when I had a panic attack before my inter­view, but I have to look at the pos­i­tive things achieve­ments then looks at the neg­a­tives all the time.  I think going through this fer­til­ity and depres­sion bat­tle I have worked out who my true friends are and how amaz­ing my fam­ily is (includ­ing the husband).

Hope you all had a great week.

Well it has been an inter­est­ing few days — if you have seen you twit­ter then you will already know but I went on my train­ing course and had a full men­tal break­down — just sob­bing like crazy.  I have felt very out of con­trol and not myself for the past three months even before I started tak­ing the fer­til­ity drugs, it all started with not being able to find a decent job role and then 7 ish weeks ago find­ing out about the PCOS which kind of pushed me over the edge not to men­tion the start­ing the new life style diet and tak­ing clo­mid which is known for caus­ing depression.

So after I had my full men­tal break­down in front of my train­ing group over a pic­ture of a pig I had drawn (these peo­ple must of thought I was a right nut­ter!), I was sent home (took three and half hours to get home, where I cried to the doc­tors office for an appoint­ment, then cried to the ticket man and then my mother) my mum picked me up from the train sta­tion after leav­ing work early to get me and took me to the doctors.

The first doc­tor I saw was not at all help­ful and just wanted to push me onto anti depres­sants which would of mean I would have to stop tak­ing clo­mid and all try­ing for a baby (as they don’t know the effects on anti depres­sants and preg­nancy) so I was in a state after that appoint­ment, then found out via my grandad who is a phar­ma­cist that the anti depres­sants I was going to be put on I would be on them for 9 months  and decided to take my mum in with me the next day (she use to be a men­tal health nurse and now is in charge of the whole of the south-east men­tal health in the UK so she knows what she is tak­ing about).

So I went yes­ter­day and the new doc­tor lis­tened, we dis­cussed a plan and I am now await­ing ther­apy, I will do the next cycle of clo­mid then see my fer­til­ity spe­cial­ist if I still feel like the way I am feel­ing then I will have to come of clo­mid and stop try­ing to get myself back together.

I haven’t really seen the signs, I’ve been very depressed before when I was 16 but I thought I could cope with it on my own so the only per­son who knew was my hus­band (who had to deal with me cry­ing every day for the past 3 months) and my brother, I wish I had spo­ken to my mother or any other mem­ber in my fam­ily, I feel like I am get­ting some con­trol back, I feel like I hit rock bot­tom men­tally and now the only was is up.  My doc­tor also said I need to leave the house once a day — so today I was very proud of myself I left the house on my own and got a bus to and from the town nor­mally this would have me in a total panic but I man­aged to calm myself, I am so pleased, it is a start.

So that was my last three days, any tips for cop­ing with depression?