Desultory Thoughts

Ok, so they won’t be landing on Saturn, but one of its moons, Dione.  Still amazing!

Wait a minute..  You mean they’re planning to land on our moon, not Saturn’s?  Ok, now I’m confused.  So is it the Chinese or Japanese? 

Whatever you do, don’t ask the professionals over at CBS News.  They’re more confused than anybody.  CBSNews.com ran an article Tuesday, which led with the following headline and picture:

Um… So either the Chinese will be planting a Japanese flag on the moon, or the authors and editors at CBS are idiots.  Given CBS’ track record (think Memogate), I’m betting it’s the latter.

What makes it even more hilarious, LGF points out that the astral sphere pictured in the CBS article is not Earth’s moon, but Saturn’s!  I know, I know- blame the Google image search on “moon†that returned the picture of Dione.  When it all comes down to it, a moon’s a moon,right?  And what’s with that flag shadow?  I’m no physics expert, but shouldn’t a shadow lie opposite the light source?  What are these people smoking?

Ok, ok.  People make mistakes.  But this is CBS– the “Good night, and good luck†pioneer of professional broadcasting.  Legends of news.  Even if the webmasters are dolts, you’d think the mesh of professional fact-checkers and editors might have caught this stinker before it was published to the world.  No bias here that I can detect.  Just pure, unadulterated incompetence.  You’d think a news organization that has the eyes, ears, and trust of millions of people around the globe would be responsible enough to catch a stupid mistake like this.  If they can’t even get the small stuff right, how can we ever trust them to get the big stuff right?

Of course, as soon as this oversight hit the blogosphere, it wasn’t long before CBS changed the flag in the picture.  That clears things up.  Now at least we know it’s the Chinese who will be landing on Saturn’s moon.

Easterners call it a soda.  Industry professionals call it a soft drink.  In Texas they call it Coke. [“I’ll have a Coke, please.â€Â  “What kind of Coke, sir?â€Â  “Diet Pepsi.â€]  In Utah we call it pop.  But whatever title you associate with this sweet nectar of life, one thing’s certain: It’s all about the pop.

I start my day off right: a bowl of oatmeal for the heart and a Diet Dr. Pepper for the soul.  And nothing chases away the office blues like an ice cold beverage on my desk.  I don’t even have to drink it.  I just need to know it’s there.  What better way to end the day than with a chilled Dew and an episode of Iron Chef America?

If you are a server- at least in any restaurant I visit- I’ll let you in on a little secret:  Your tip depends on my pop.  I don’t care if you forget to leave the lettuce off my combination platter.  I don’t mind if you hand me the wrong plate or screw up my check.  As long as you bring me that glass of bubbly goodness and keep it full.  The best server is the one who is always aware of the customer’s pop status.  By the time the ice hits the bottom of the glass, there’d better be a new glass on deck.  If I have to actually ask for another refill, your tip’s going to take a hit.  I’m sorry, but that’s how it goes.  The best waitress I’ve ever had was at Chilis a few weeks ago.  She knew the soda secret, and kept them coming much faster than I could drink them, bringing each glass with a smile and a joke.  The steak was dry, the veggies were freezer-burned, and I think the garlic toast came from the day-old store.  But that girl got the tip of her career.

There’s just something about having a full cup of pop, and the knowledge that there’s more where that came from.  It’s comforting, therapeutic, empowering.  On the other hand, having a finite amount of pop creates an unneeded anxiety.  That’s why I hate eating in mall food courts.  Everywhere in the world offers free refills on pop.  Except mall food courts.  Even the airline stewardess will give you another can if you ask.  And if food court food wasn’t crappy enough, pop there is ridiculously overpriced, which I’ve never understood.  “Here’s your slice of pizza.  Would you like to add a 16 oz drink to that for only $1.75 extra?â€Â  According to the good folks at PizzaToday.com, fountain drinks cost the vendor about a penny per ounce.  And you’re charging me how much??
 
A regular standalone McDonalds practically lets you plug in and consume Coke intravenously.  But not at the food court McDonalds.  “That’ll be 85 cents, please.â€Â  What’s up with that?  Is there some industry secret don’t know about, some market strategy that’s going over my head?  If the food court greasy spoon is actually saving that much money by not offering free refills, why doesn’t the rest of the industry follow suite?

Then there’s the ice.  You think you’re actually getting 44 oz. of cherry limeade in that Route 44 cup from Sonic?  Think again, my friend.  Don’t even get me started on the ice…

If you’re not going to offer free refills, at least give me enough to last through the meal.  I have enough trouble gagging down a plate of kung pao chicken that’s been sitting in a display case for 8 hours.  I don’t need the added stress of having to pace my drink consumption.  I don’t need a gallon of Coke, just enough to be confident I won’t run dry halfway through my hot dog on a stick.

Being a political conservative, I’m not a huge fan of entitlements, but free pop refills should be a constitutional right.  I know, that’s only a pipe dream.  Until then, I’ll be taking my business to Jenny at the West Valley City Chilis.