Your child comes up to you after a game frustrated that he didn’t make the shot into the goal. You know what he could have done differently yet when you try to offer advice he tunes you out. Or, what usually happens with my son when I casually ask, ‘how was practice?’ I get the typical one-word response, “fine.â€

The key to picking up the life lessons that are such an important part of youth sports is not necessarily acquired through parental advice. They have to be learned. How do you get your child to open up and talk to you? How do you get the conversation started?

First, remember that their sporting experience is just that—theirs, not yours. So, in order to get them to talk about their experience parents need to ask rather than tell. There is a trick to asking the ‘right’ questions that will get your child to open up and provide you with a more definitive answer than the typical one word answer like yes, no…or ‘fine’.

Ask open-ended questions:
· What was the most enjoyable part of today’s practice/game?
· What worked well?
· What didn’t turn out so well?
· What did you learn that could help you in the future?

Show you are listening:
All it takes sometimes is a simple nod of the head or a one-word comment from you to show your child you are listening.

Ask about life-lessons and character issues:
Be clear on your area of focus. “Any thoughts on what you’ve learned in practice this week that might help you with school?†For example they may learn that if they practice a particular drill over and over and over again, it becomes second nature to them. The same principle can be applied to learning multiplication tables or lines in a school play. It’s important to have in mind specific ‘teachable moments’ of a practice or game that you want to discuss with them, but resist the temptation to lead your children to the conclusions you want them to reach.

They will learn and apply life lessons more effectively, if they arrive at conclusions on their own. You can of course always share your experiences with them but remember it is their sporting experience. Be careful that you don’t dominate the conversation with stories about you when the goal is to help your child learn and create their own stories.

Let your children set the terms:
Immediately following a game is probably not the best time to start a conversation with your child as they are already keyed up emotionally. Look for signs that your kids are ready to talk keeping in mind that boys usually take a little longer to open up. If you stick with it they’ll eventually tell you their story because the simple fact is kids love talking about their sports—even with parents! Whether it’s a short or long conversation makes no difference. The point is to get them talking and enjoy the moment.

You may also be interested in these other related blogs:

Give Kids Meaningful Praise That’s Not Over The Top

Help Your Kids Achieve Greater Self Esteem Through Sports