The Ear Ring

Maybe this is why I see so many married guys with ear-rings………

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

My blonde wife

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”

I said, “Great. Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic!

We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said “Oh, honey. There’s more.”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said…..

(You’re going to love this!)

“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

Big people words

Mrs. Jones was talking to her kindergarden class about using “big people words” when speaking. She proceeds to ask several students for examples:

“Johnny, what did you do this weekend?”

Johnny replies, “I went to see my Nana.”

Mrs. Jones corrects him, “No, Johnny, you went to see your grandmother.” She continues, “Amy, what did you do this weekend?”

Amy replies, “I rode on a choo-choo!”

Mrs. Jones corrects her, “No, Amy, you rode a train.” She turns to Timmy and asks, “Timmy, what did you do this weekend?”

Timmy replies, “I read a book.”

Mrs. Jones says, “Oh? That’s wonderful. What’s the name of the book?”

Timmy thought for a moment then said, “Winnie the Shit.”